Saturday, June 13, 2026

Wisdom is knowing the difference between what you can control and what you can’t.



According to Stoic philosophy what will make a person happy is not money, status, power, possessions but virtue. The Stoic philosophy describes four cardinal virtues: wisdom, courage, temperance, and justice. I add a fifth which is kindness.


For next several weeks Nurturing One’s Interior Spiritual Life will be exploring descriptions and practices which facilitate the development of these virtues in one’s life starting with the virtue of wisdom.


There are many factors that contribute to wisdom, the most significant might be discerning what one can control and what one can’t control. This idea was first described by the Stoic philosopher Epictetus which he taught to Marcus Aurelius who describes it in his famous book, Mediations. Today we know it as the Serenity Prayer which is taught in twelve step groups.


Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


A corollary of the Serenity prayer is knowing what matters. Some things matter more than others. The third of twenty one skills of Spiritual Intelligence according to Cindy Wigglesworth’s model is “awareness of values hierarchy.” When one is aware of one’s values hierarchy they are better able to set priorities. Sometimes I ask my psychotherapy clients, “Finish this sentence: ‘The three things that matter the most to me in my life are __________, ___________, and ____________.’”


Wisdom is knowing what ultimately matters and is most important. Osho taught that there are some things that are essential to a person and many more things that are nonessential. I suggest to my psychotherapy clients that they pick their battles carefully. Some things are worth fighting for, but most things in life are not. How do you tell the difference? In answering this question we circle back to where we started in this article: What can you control and what can you not?


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Wisdom is knowing the difference between what you can control and what you can’t.

According to Stoic philosophy what will make a person happy is not money, status, power, possessions but virtue. The Stoic philosophy descri...